The Floodgates Unleash

Tonight, for the first time, I cried about Uganda.

Over the past year-and-a-half as I have been hoping, wishing, exploring, deciding, and committing to this study abroad trip I have felt nothing but anticipation and excitement. As I have informed countless people of the opportunity with which I have been provided, I have heard many statements along the line of, "Oh my gosh, Rachel, that is going to be an amazing experience!" to which I always reply, "Yes, yes it will!" The thought of spending four months in Africa is initially exhilarating. I have been so exicited and so crazy busy that I have hardly had time to stop and catch my breath. The last few months have been a flurry of plane tickets, confirmations, vaccinations, prescriptions, packing, shopping, more packing, and not surprisingly, more shopping. Between the search for the perfect passport holder, to the hunt for the misplaced electricity adapter, the ordering of a plethora of books for the semester, and more, I really haven't had the chance to actually think deeply about what exactly I have gotten myself into.

Today, I hit two decades of age. 20 is like a fourth of my lifetime, assuming I live to be 80. My head is still spinning with the ramifications of being old. Despite the crises of my new elderly status, my birthday was filled with joy as people who care about me really took the time to tell me and show me how much they do. After the celebrations were over it hit me that many of those people I will have very little contact with over the next semester when I am in Uganda. Phone calls and texting are out of the question due to expense. Email, Facebook, Skype, and other forms of internet communication will be very dependent on the quality of the WiFi I have and the amount of free time I have. I am anticipating both to be minimal. As someone who thrives on connection and close relationships, this is more than slightly unnerving. Tonight, it really sunk in.

My friends. My family. I'm going to miss them. A lot.

So tonight, alone in the aftermath of my birthday celebrations, I cried. I cried for the events and milestones in others' lives I am going to miss. I cried for the way life is going to continue on here in Dallas and at JBU while I am 8,500 miles away. I cried for the transition to a new university, a new dorm, a new country, and a new way of life. I cried for my lack of even acquaintances in this strange and unfamiliar place across the pond. I cried for my soon-to-be lack of a washer and a dryer. I cried for my upcoming minority status, one whose skin color will make me stand out from all the rest as a foreigner in an instant. I cried in confusion and anxiety and disbelief. Where the heck did I get this crazy idea anyway?! What was I thinking? I can't believe this. I literally do not have any idea what I'm doing.

But there is Someone who does.